Straight Out The Congo

Walldo: ever seen a grown man naked?
Rabid: ever made out with a black man, like totally let him put his tongue in your mouth and everything?
Link: only on the internet, and no
Rabid: you are missing out man
Link: on what? AIDS?
Rabid: you don't have to be a fag to appreciate a good black man on man makeout session
Rabid: its just two bros sharing saliva is all
Link: saliva and AIDS
Rabid: looking past the fact that AIDs can't be transmitted through saliva, you could be in makeout heaven right now
Link: says you
Link: this is some sort of evil nigger trick isnt it?
Rabid: its ok you can trust me I'm only half black
Link: so what does that mean exactly?
Link: you'd only play half a game of basketball? you'd only halfway rape a white girl?
Link: only eat half a bucket of KFC?

Chicks Love RO

Emma plays a High Acolyte (in more ways than one)

Lonk: afk awhile
Lonk: cooling down/asking Emma what sexual favors she's gonna give me for helping her
Lonk: damn busted air conditioner
Lonk: I needs boobies!
Lonk: joking, naturally.
@Mog`: No you're not
Lonk: yeah I am
Lonk: my air conditioner is quite fine

They're All The Same

Continuing the time-honored tradition of offending all woman and people pretending to be women online.

* Morotstomten gives chichi a vagina dustbuster as prize
+chichi: dustbuster?
Morotstomten: google it
+chichi: NO
+chichi: i shall guess it
+chichi: vacuum cleaner?
Morotstomten: yes
Lonk: nothing says sexy like randomly jamming a small vacuum cleaner into your pussy to remove dust
Morotstomten: sand actually
+lorien: >_>;;;;;
Morotstomten: chichis vagina is very sandy from living in the desert
Lonk: aren't they all?

And People Wonder Why I'm An Atheist

What is a Cherub? A miserable pile of random animals, but enough talk, have at you!

@Puchu: hi nate
~Huge_Spatula: Puchu while you look like the traditional baby faced cherub, you do not match the original description
~Huge_Spatula: The biblical prophet Ezekiel describes the cherubim as a tetrad of living creatures, each having four faces: of a lion, an ox, an eagle, and a man. They are said to have the stature and hands of a man, the feet of a calf, and four wings. Two of the wings extended upward, meeting above and sustaining the throne of God; while the other two stretched downward and covered the creatures themselves.
~Huge_Spatula: How can you have four faces?
+Lonk: a lioxgleman?
~Huge_Spatula: Also the feet of a calf? What species of calf? And why a calf and not the adult version of said animal?
+Lonk: I dunno
~Huge_Spatula: That is not a very good description at all
+Lonk: but cherubs sound delicious
+Lonk: actually, they sound like hotdogs
~Huge_Spatula: I wonder if their wings are as delicious as chicken wings
+Lonk: quite possibly!

Racism Makes The World Go 'Round

The real question here is why would anyone willingly watch Jimmy Fallon in the first place?

Brosnan: Tyler Perry is a huge tool
~Huge_Spatula: Medea is sassy but wise
Brosnan: he's on Jimmy Fallon right now
Brosnan: he's pretty full of himself
Brosnan: this is a relevant observation
~Huge_Spatula: Brosnan why is he on Jimmy Fallon?
Brosnan: I hear he's in movies
~Huge_Spatula: Oh? Name some.
kotg: tyler perrys nigger film 1, 2 and 3
Brosnan: ^
kotg: tyler perry dressed as a woman nigger
kotg: This Nigger Is Sassy
Brosnan: he literally was asking Jimmy what he thought of various parts of his movie
kotg: really you could just visit imdb i dont want to list them all
Brosnan: so that he could say THAT WAS ALL IMPROV! SOMETIMES WHEN I PUT ON THE COSTUME I JUST BECOME MEDEA AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH HALF THE TIME!
+Lonk: You see? This is what happens when we start giving minorities basic rights
Brosnan: I think he's a tranny
Brosnan: His stubble is very.. manufactured
Brosnan: and his hairline is ridiculously precise
Brosnan: I'm callin bullshit!
+Lonk: I dunno, I'm not really up on my study of apes

Stereotypes Are Fun

I'd apologize for offending black people, but that assumes they're actually people

Rabid: I'm half black
Lonk: half ape?
Lonk: it's the missing link
@angelphish: racist
Rabid: rather be half ape than half fat
* @angelphish hides half of the tv

The Birds, The Bees, And The Internet

Ichigo247: err ...
Ichigo247: How do i make a welcome bot ?
Lonk: well
+caylem: a what?
Lonk: first a man and a woman have to love each other very much
Lonk: then a stork comes over and programs one for them
Ichigo247: ... -_-

This Is Why Women Don't Deserve Basic Rights

&Bowser: I was just in a car accident
^Effowha: whose fault
&Bowser: the other car's
&Bowser: was turning out of a street with an arrow, and a woman on the left came through a red light and into the side of me
Sanji: did you die?
&Bowser: Yes
&Bowser: the woman was shaken up but okay
&Bowser: I have a green ford station wagon
Lonk: sounds like she did you a favor then
Lonk: pfft women drivers.
Lonk: this is what happens when they aren't kept barefoot in the kitchen
Sanji: Lonk, I know
&Bowser: she was a weirdo, overweight and in her 30's, but wearing tracksuit pants and rainbow kid's sneakers
Lonk: surely this girl offered her body to you as repayme....oh overweight
Lonk: nevermind
&Bowser: and old.
Lonk: well at least she didn't try to eat you

Send In The Clowns

This is NOT what I expected when I ordered my "Grand Slam" breakfast!

@Grumbledook: pancakes
~Foolio: that was random
@Grumbledook: but it was good
~Foolio: pancakes are always good
~Foolio: if thats what you mean
@Grumbledook: that too
Lonk: even while being anally raped by a clown?
Carrotsanta: how does it taste in that situation Lonk?
Lonk: well...maybe that would be good for the clown, if he's the one eating them
~Foolio: Lonk knows this from experience
Lonk: pancakes? clown rape? or both?
~Foolio: both at once
Lonk: can't say that i do
~Foolio: i know you do
~Foolio: i played A Lonk to the past
Lonk: did you rescue princess Zulda from the evil Gonnonderf?
~Foolio: no i turned it off at the part where i had to rape a clown while eating pancakes

Quick, Someone Call Stabler

Pedobear would be proud...

lurking-pipi: Konichiwa, let me marry one of your kids
lurking-pipi: =D
Myra: I SAID NO!
lurking-pipi: hey, parent's consent makes it okay
Myra: since the 3 girls are 10 years old 8 years old and 18 months old.
Lonk: this conversation is going in a very strange, very fucked up direction
Lonk: ....don't stop
lurking-pipi: >.>
Lonk: now pipi needs to show up at Myra's house dressed as Pedobear
lurking-pipi: nah Lonk, that's not how we do things
* Myra shudders
lurking-pipi: we wait
lurking-pipi: for 11 years
Myra: you know
Myra: why mine?
Myra: why not someone else here instead
frunca: yeah then the 18 month old will be ripe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_Control
@Grumbledook: aren't you pregnant again, Myra?
Myra: ya

A Sticky Situation

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm Hitler, killing thousands of potential Jewbabies.

Lonk: man I cant wait
Lonk: It's Always Sunny In Philly this month
Lonk: Venture Bros next month
@Tapela: hell yeah
@Tapela: and lots of porn
Lonk: I'd brofist you, but I'm already sticky enough

Cunning Linguist

+Solude: http://yfrog.com/031251899227605j do want
+GL-san> is that thing supossed to be edible solude?
Tapela: it doesn't look it
MasterO: maybe it is?
+Solude: i hope so
Lonk: i bet that's not the first time Solude has had a guy say that to her

Goodbye Horses

Buffalo Bill would be proud...

+caylem: mmm
+caylem: this body lotion smells awesome
Sanji: caylem, can I watch you put it on and then smell you?
+caylem: hahahah no way sanji
+caylem: but it does smell awesome
+caylem: and the lotion makes me skin feel like silk
Sanji: I can't watch you rub it into your arms?
Lonk: it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again
Sanji: can I smell you after you put on the lotion? and rub my face against it?

The Internet: Helping People Be Extra Creepy Since The 90's

Everybody poops!

All things begin and end with tubgirl

Tapela: fuck, this is an epic war
Tapela: it's like a cold war in my anus
Lonk: tubgirl time
ErdTirdMans: tubgirl is my future wife
Tapela: I'd hit tubgirl
ErdTirdMans: i'm going to propose to her by swallowing a ring
ErdTirdMans: and then shitting it onto her face

Not-So-Kosher Cupcakes

Some jokes are in bad taste. Some leave a bad taste in your mouth. This one... both?

Lonk: i remember killing a conversation once by asking if it would be wrong if an easy bake oven were sold with little jewish action figures.
Lonk: as a joke, of course.
Myra: o.o
Lonk: they could help me bake cupcakes!

Improving race relations, one candy bar at a time

Martin Luther King, Jr... Lyndon Baines Johnson... Barack Obama... Lonk

Myra: i seriously do hate chocolate lol
Bow: but why? it releases happy ions
+Solude: chocolate is good
* +Solude waves snickers bar
@jonas: milk chocolate is an abomination
+GL-san: dark chocolate.
Lonk: dark chocolate tastes like ass
+Solude: you know what ass tastes like?
Lonk: perhaps
Tapela: You never go ass to mouth, Lonk
@jonas: you have the taste of a teenager <_<;
Lonk: no i have the tastebuds of a fatass, actually
~Foolio: snickers is a god-tier candy bar
Lonk: do they make a dark chocolate snickers bar?
+Solude: i think so
@jonas: Lonk, yes
Lonk: and do they call it Sniggers?

Fun fact: In Mexico, 100 Grand bars are called "Less than Minimum Wage" bars

You're an inspiration for birth control

God and Kate plus 10 minus 5

Myra: i have 5 children, bow
Bow: why so many? do you get welfare checks for each one?
Myra: no
* Myra rolls her eyes
Tapela: Mexican?
Myra: Don't start. I get enough of that in public. leave me alone
Tapela: Strict catholic right?
Myra: I have 5 kids, I have been pregnant 10 times, I am married to my husband for 11 years. Enough said
Tapela: Birth control, god damn
Myra: I ain't explaining my religious practices to any of you. I get enough shit in the real world.
+Solude: Tap. Shut up.
Tapela: So uh. What happened to the other five?
+Solude: Don't ask
+Solude: that's one thing you do not ask
* Lonk waves a coat hanger around

Coat hangers: the original RU-486?